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Wacky America
“Everybody in the
car. Boat leaves in two minutes … or perhaps you don’t want to see the
second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth.”
Clark Griswold knew what a good vacation is really all about: venturing beyond the beaten path. By Chris Wessling
Admit it.
You’ve seen the billboards along the
interstate and the colorful brochures begging for attention in the
stand at the IHOP. And you’ve even thought it might be kind of fun to
check out the world’s only beer-can house or the largest kaleidoscope.
But you’ve never made it down that road to sample some of America’s
more unique tourist attractions. Here’s your chance. (Crave even more
oddball tourist attractions? Visit www.roadsideamerica.com.)
1. TOILET SEAT ART MUSEUM
Forget the throne room at the Palace of Versailles — this is a throne
room. This museum in San Antonio is home to about 700 unique
toilet-seat wall hangings, each lovingly made by Barney Smith … a
retired plumber, naturally. 239 Abiso Avenue, San Antonio, Texas
2. WORLD’S LARGEST ROADRUNNERS
Wile E. Coyote’s darkest nightmare struts his stuff in Fort Stockton,
Texas — home to Paisano Pete. At 11 feet tall and 22 feet long, Pete
isn’t as big as the roadrunner made out of trash in Las Cruces, New
Mexico (20 feet tall and 50 feet long), but Pete stubbornly refuses to
change the plaque at his feet. Paisano Pete: Intersection of Highway
290, Interstate 10, and Main Street, Fort Stockton, Texas. Recycled
roadrunner: Rest area on south side of Interstate 10, east of the
Picacho Avenue exit, between mile markers 134 and 135, Las Cruces, New
Mexico. Accessible only to eastbound traffic.
3. WORLD’S LARGEST CATSUP BOTTLE
Rising more than 170 feet above the plains of Illinois is a tribute to
the french fry’s best friend. Collinsville’s answer to the Eiffel Tower
was built by the W.E. Caldwell Company for the G.S. Suppiger catsup
bottling plant in 1949. 800 South Morrison Avenue, Collinsville,
Illinois; www.catsupbottle.com
4. WORLD’S LARGEST BALL OF TWINE
There are 521 people in Cawker City, Kansas, and even if you laid them
all out end to end, they’d still be more than seven million feet
shorter than the town’s claim to fame. Frank Stoeber started the ball
of twine in 1953 and kept adding to it until his death in 1974. Since
then, the residents of Cawker City have been extending his legacy inch
by inch; the ball now weighs more than 17,500 pounds and would unravel
to more than 7,827,700 feet. Wisconsin Street (Highway 24), half a
block west of Lake Drive, Cawker City, Kansas
5. STEVE CANYON STATUE
Back in the day (World War II, to be exact), Steve Canyon was what
Garfield is today: a must-read Sunday comic for the Wheaties set. So
when patriotic Americans in Idaho Springs, Colorado, asked the Feds to
pay for a statue of Canyon, a $12,000 check was quickly cut. In July
1950, the larger-than-life limestone likeness was dedicated to, as its
plaque reads, “all American cartoon characters who serve the Nation.”
Intersection of Colorado Boulevard and Miner Street, Idaho Springs,
Colorado
6. WORLD’S LARGEST KALEIDOSCOPE
The 1960s are still groovy in Mount Tremper, New York. That’s where
psychedelic artist Isaac Abrams and his son, Raphael, spent $250,000 in
1996 to create a six-story working kaleidoscope inside a converted
silo. Like, far out, man. Emerson Resort & Spa, 5340 Route 28,
Mount Tremper, New York
7. CAR SPIKE
Wayne’s World made it famous, but the Spindle has been attracting
stares in Berwyn, Illinois, since 1989. Dustin Shuler, a California
artist, decided the one thing that the city’s Cermak Shopping Center
was missing was a 40-foot-tall sculpture of eight cars impaled on a
towering metal spike. He quickly remedied that. 7043 Cermak Road,
Berwyn, Illinois
8. WORLD’S LARGEST LEMON
The urge to write a bad when-life gives- you-lemons pun is killing us,
but it’ll pass. Instead, we’ll indulge ourselves by imagining that when
Ron Burgundy said, “You stay classy, San Diego,” what he had in mind
was the 10-foot-wide concrete lemon that heralds the splendor of nearby
suburb Lemon Grove, California. 3361 Main Street, Lemon Grove,
California
9. BEER CAN HOUSE
John Milkovisch, this Bud’s for you. The late railroad worker got bored
in retirement and found the cure for what aled him: transforming his
suburban Houston home into an homage to hops and barley. Starting in
1968, Milkovisch spent the next 18 years turning beer cans into siding,
curtains, walls, and decorations. Getting the 39,000 cans required
drinking a six-pack a day, but Milkovisch never wavered in his
magnificent obsession. 222 Malone Street, Houston, Texas
G O T O E X T R E M E S
UDDERLY FASCINATING
Go to Harvard and what do you get? A close-up view of a fiberglass cow,
of course. If you want an Ivy League education, you’ll have to hoof it
to Massachusetts. But in Harvard, Illinois, you’ll find Harmilda the
cow, four-legged icon of the town’s annual Harvard Milk Days. Born in
1970, Harmilda proudly stands over a plaque that proclaims Harvard as
“the Milk Center of the World.” If you’ve figured out that Harmilda’s
name is a shortened version of Harvard Milk Days, you may have a good
shot at getting into that other Harvard. Intersection of Highway 14 and
Highway 173, Harvard, Illinois
WORLD’S LARGEST PRAIRIE CHICKEN
Before mild-mannered and super-polite Nordic types took over Minnesota,
the state was populated by a lot of prairie chickens. As the Prairie
Chicken Capital of Minnesota, the city of Rothsay knew the only decent
thing to do was to erect a 9,000-pound statue of the diminutive bird,
which it did in 1976. Intersection of Interstate 94 and Center Street,
Rothsay, Minnesota
WORLD’S LARGEST FLAG
You have to love a guy who had a tattoo of the U.S. flag imprinted on
his chest, a scar serving as the flagpole. The late Thomas Demski owned
Superflag, a behemoth star-spangled banner that measures 505 feet by
225 feet and weighs 3,000 pounds. Even if you never get to the
Superflag Company in Long Beach, California, you still might have a
chance to see Superflag, which has been displayed at Super Bowls,
national monuments, and the Hoover Dam. 402 Lime Avenue, Long Beach,
California; www.superflag.com
WORLD’S LARGEST STOVE
We’re
not sure where the world’s largest microwave is, but its old-school
predecessor resides in Detroit. The Michigan Stove Company wanted to
make a big splash at the Chicago World’s Fair of 1893, so it whipped up
this monster (25 feet tall, 30 feet long, and 20 feet wide) in a jiffy.
Michigan State Fairgrounds, 1120 West State Fair Avenue, Detroit,
Michigan
OREGON VORTEX
Don’t
go to this Gold Hill, Oregon, attraction unless you’re prepared to be
stupefied. True believers claim the structure is swimming in paranormal
properties and that it sets the law of gravity on its head. Killjoys
will point out the clever optical illusions that make this sight a
weird, wild experience. 4303 Left Fork Sardine Creek Road, Gold Hill,
Oregon; www.oregonvortex.com
WORLD’S LARGEST BALL OF STAMPS
In
the early 1950s, some enterprising lads at the famed Boys Town
orphanage near Omaha, Nebraska, had some extra time on their hands. The
PlayStation was still 40 years in the future, so they started licking
stamps. How many? Nobody knows for sure. But the insanity ended only
after a 600-pound sphere was created. Frankly, that’s the best story
we’ve heard philately. Leon Myers Stamp Center, 13628 Flanagan
Boulevard, Boys Town, Nebraska
WORLD’S LARGEST FRYING PAN
In
1950, the Mumford Sheet Metal Works in Selbyville, Delaware, designed
and built Colonel Sanders’s greatest fantasy — a 10-foot-diameter
frying pan — for the Delmarva Chicken Festival. Delaware History
Museum, 504 Market Street, Wilmington, Delaware
WORLD’S OLDEST WORKING LIGHTBULB
Depending
on whose story you believe, the world’s oldest working lightbulb first
started shining in 1901, 1902, or 1905. But, you know, after a century,
does it really matter? Of course not. What matters is that Livermore
(California) Fire Department Station No. 6 can brag about being in
Guinness World Records and you probably can’t. 4550 East Avenue,
Livermore, California; www.centennialbulb.org
American Way senior editor CHRIS WESSLING once visited the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. Seriously.
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